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HOW to cultivate a detached attitude?

Friends, it’s a known fact that long-married couples experience a lack of physical attraction and intimacy. Myriad aches and pains, physical ailments/ other issues crop up with time.

Though strong emotional bonds are there, couples are habituated to each other, and a strong sense of companionship does exist; yet couples stop doing things to please each other, to make their partner feel good and happy. I would say,” they start taking each other for granted.”

They stop paying compliments to each other, don’t praise, and don’t appreciate each other. Many feel bitter towards their partner due to some past unpleasant experiences.     

On top of it, Dearies, with waning physical attraction and interaction it becomes extremely hard to have a loving and caring relationship with your spouse!

SO, WHAT TO DO?

After a lot of introspection, after having intimate talks with some of my very close friends and relations, I have finally realized one thing….

No one can change the other person; one can only change one’s own reaction!

And one realizes this truth only when one is ready to accept it.

I too got it quite late in life, however as they say…..

DER AAYE DURUST AAYE

SO, WHAT TO DO?

A) Perform your life’s duties with a detached attitude!    

Continue doing whatever you can do for your spouse/ family/ friends without any expectations, appreciation, or reciprocation.

Remember you are doing things for them because it gives YOU satisfaction and happiness. YOU feel good that you are doing your duty towards them!

B) Stop complaining!

Just till a few months back, my rhetoric to my husband used to be, “You don’t spend time with me/ you don’t show any affection/ you don’t care for me/ you don’t appreciate all the things that I do for you and the family, etc., etc.”  

Now I tell myself,” He is doing what he can/ he behaves as per his nature/ this is the way he is programmed!”

Friends, acceptance is the key!

C)Try to be a GIVER

Give your time, support, and advice (only when asked for) unconditionally. Do whatever you can do comfortably for others. However, stop bending backward to make others feel good, certainly not at the cost of your own health and happiness.

Try not to come across as a needy person—physically, emotionally, or monetarily. Strive to be self-reliant and self-sustaining. Be the person content and happy with his/her own self.

Dearies, just remember it doesn’t make any sense to feel despondent when the flavor of close relationships changes.

Just change your own perspective,

Adapt to the new stage of life,

Harboring resentment will only harm you,

You have already invested a big chunk of your life in the relationship,

Prune your expectations, NOW, SIT BACK and ENJOY LIFE!

Renuka. 

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