ARE YOU COMPETING WITH YOUR SPOUSE?
Very interesting, off-the-track topic, yet so relevant in today’s times!
Friends, in our fast-paced lives where nothing is permanent, neither jobs nor relationships, willy-nilly we have become competitive by nature. We contend with our siblings, friends, colleagues, AND even with our own spouses!
Now, you may say, “What are you talking about?”
Let me explain with life examples……
Power couples—well-educated, professional, young men and women, each holding a high post, doing well in their own chosen professions. These super-smart couples are often seen competing with each other in their day-to-day life too. Competition can be for one-upmanship, to gain control in the relationship or simply to feel superior!
if the wife is earning better, she starts calling the shots. The man sometimes out of awe, sometimes out of decency, and mostly for the sake of peace and harmony accepts the backseat.
Over a period of time, the dye is cast. Relatives, friends, and even children come to understand who wears the pants in such a household.
Though society is accepting and many a time envious of such power couples; this kind of POWER STRUGGLE at home is detrimental to the psyche of the growing kids.
Patriarchal homes—Where man is the breadwinner, and the undisputed head of the family. He takes on complete responsibility for the family and his word is the last word in all family decisions.
The wife may be working basically to keep herself occupied or just following her passion, not really contributing to the family kitty. She runs the household efficiently, with minimal help from the spouse; that too rendered grudgingly if at all! In such homes, generally, children grow up recognizing their gender-designated roles. This too is not an ideal situation to raise kids!
Three areas where SPOUSES start competing with each other in both kinds of setups……
!) PARENTING: Fathers are known to be soft on daughters while mothers tend to give lots of liberty to their sons. I am sure most of you have experienced this behavior. Children are smart they try to take advantage of parents’ bias, even play up to gain advantages!
My sister’s daughter would try to get all manual work done by her brother, playing the dainty girl card. Father would always take her side and allowed her to get away with this behavior. To date the brother cribs,” My father always loved my sister more”. On the other hand, the mother would try to engage the daughter in household chores and the son could take liberties. The daughter would often grumble,” Ma is partial to my brother, I love my father”. So friends, do present a united front and never try to compete with your spouse for your children’s affection.
1) JEALOUSY: In-laws, siblings, cousins even friends can spark the jealous streak. Madhu, a very close friend of mine was jealous of her own sister-in-law Preet. Preet was a beautiful, well-dressed lady of leisure; while Madhu has been a working professional, always short of time. Quite often this green monster made Madhu vie for attention from her own husband! So much so that she started feeling jealous of the good bonding that her husband shared with her sister-in-law. Even her own relationship with her husband became strained at that point in time but this is how it was!
Though, now Madhu realizes that she behaved in an immature manner!
2) INSECURITY: Mala is an avid golfer, and Golf is a time-consuming, expensive game. When she got married, her non-golfer spouse would very proudly tell his relatives and friends,” Mala is so good at the game”
Later he realized that due to this passion of hers, their children were left in the care of ayahs, they were always tight financially, and she had her own set of golfer friends and her own schedules. Her spouse started feeling insecure and started resenting the game. Today after more than thirty years of married life, the husband still feels bad about the way their life spanned out as he literally had to compete for his wife’s time and attention on account of this game.
So, dearies, for a harmonious married life….
*Stop treating your partner as an opponent/rival.
*Married life is teamwork, not competition.
*Present a united front in family matters/situations.
*Treat your children impartially/equally.
*Adhere to the rule “FAMILY FIRST”.
Do read this blog with your spouse and do share your views!